In three months, I will have graduated from college three years ago, but my life feels like it’s been on hold for nearly three years. Not all that time was wasted. I tried twice to do YouTube and it didn’t work for me, yet I don’t regret any of it. I got to go on cruises to new places and traveled solo for the first time. I made new friends and enjoyed adventures with old ones. So, even though all that time wasn’t wasted, I can’t help but feel angry at myself for the time I did waste.

I can’t blame anyone else for my life not moving forward in the directions I want. I chose to be lazy with my time and I chose to dwell on past and current events and let me sink into a deeper depression that started in college. It might sound like I am being hard on myself, but sometimes we need to be brutally honest with ourselves.

I am tired of being stuck and I can pray to my God all I want to get me out of it, but if I am not willing to make the first step I can’t expect to get out of it. Having a relationship with God is like any relationship, you need to pour into it for God to respond, guide, and bless you. God is not just here to give us what we want without offering our love and time back to Him.

I can write here that this is my way of saying that from now on that I am going to work hard to get my life in the direction I want, but I can’t be certain that I will. I know myself and I am unmotivated currently in this season of my life. But, I really hope to change and if I commit myself more to God he will help me to and lead me to amazing things beyond what I dream up.

In a few months, I hope to write another post sharing with you the progress I have made like improving my mental health, building this blog, and growing closer to God. It will be a hard road, but I already know God is helping me. I wanted to get a blog post out today, but didn’t have any motivation until God led me to write this.

If you’re willing to open yourself up to God and pour into Him, He will meet you where you are and help get you to a better path that he designed just for you. So, at this point in my life I am incapable of moving forward on my own, but with my God I will be able to because He will carry me forward.